Merry Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Fant Family!

Usually when putting together our annual Christmas letter I reflect back on the highlights of the year- the kid’s accomplishments, the milestones, the trips and all the fun times. It’s pretty rosy stuff and I’ll admit, sometimes a bit braggy – OK so we are proud parents. Well 2011 was a different sort of year for us, undoubtedly the worst year of my life and Russ’s. So here is the conundrum. How do you reflect back on a year that rocked us to the core and be rosy? Christmas is the season of joy and optimism after all and no one wants to read the Debbie Downer letter. But to me it just doesn’t seem honest not to mention what happened to us this year so I’ll try not to be too much of a downer. Also as I reflect on how horrible things were I am completely amazed at how joyful we are now and how resilient children are.

February

In the first week of February, Tyler, our oldest son then 11 years old came home from school on a Friday totally exhausted and slept for three days. We thought he must have mono but since the only other symptom besides extreme fatigue was some stomach pain, I took him to a gastroenterologist on Monday. He had been hospitalized just a few months before when a bad virus damaged the lining of his stomach and I didn’t want that happening again. The doctor sent us back to the hospital for more tests but also noticed when examining Tyler’s lymph nodes that his thyroid looked swollen. At the hospital they tested Tyler for thyroid problems along with mono, stomach issues, etc. He was so week and tired he passed out twice just walking from one test to another and finally had to be put in a wheel chair. By Wednesday he still couldn’t get out of bed and my pediatrician called to say his thyroid tests results were so strange we needed to come back and re-run a whole panel of tests. By Friday the pediatrician set up a meeting with us to go to an endocrinologist to discuss what she said was “quite serious”. At the appointment we were told that Tyler’s thyroid stimulating hormone number was so high that he was at“high risk” of slipping into a fatal coma. Not only that, they needed to run tests over the next few months to make sure this wasn’t caused by thyroid cancer or a brain tumor.

How do you respond to a conversation in which your child’s name is mentioned with the words fatal coma, cancer and brain tumor? Russ literally shouted, “Jesus Christ!”before we composed ourselves enough to ask a few questions that sprang to mind like, ”What caused this?” “How do we make him better?” and “How do we keep our child from going into a fatal coma?” An ultrasound later revealed that the beautiful pink butterfly gland in his throat called the thyroid was now completely gone with only scar tissue remaining. His autoimmune system attacked it and destroyed it. Immediately I pulled him out of all sports, he slept a lot and for 12 weeks straight I picked him up early from school every day because he didn’t have the energy to make it through the day. Most days he fell asleep in the car on the way home from school. What caused his body to destroy his thyroid? Probably the best guess is that the virus he had in the Fall caused his immune system to go haywire. Could it be genetics, the exposure to the power lines that run behind our house, the fluoride in our water or the hormones, antibiotics and chemicals in the food we eat? Maybe. We will probably never know.

March

In March we found out Russ’s father, Bert’s, cancer was back and his prognosis to live more than a few months was not good. It was devastating news. Russ traveled up many times to be at his father’s bedside after surgeries waiting for example for his “kidney’s to come back online or else he might die today” the doctors would say.

Our happy go lucky son Drew, who turned nine last March, slipped in the driveway and severely sprained all the ligaments that support the ankle bone. He had to be in a boot cast for a time and when it was revealed that it wasn’t healing properly, he had a hard cast put on. I pulled him out of all sports and activities so it would heal and he was in one form of a cast or another for two months!

It was a good day in March when we found out that Tyler did not have cancer or a brain tumor. He was lamenting that he wanted the cool shoes that all the other middle school kids had. It was then that I broke down crying and lectured him, “Happiness is not found in new shoes. It is in knowing that your child does not have cancer or a brain tumor! Let’s put the shoes thing in perspective.”

April

In April we spent Spring Break at Russ’s Dad’s bedside in Virginia. He had just gotten out of the hospital and we wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. While he slept some we took the kids on some hikes to Natural Bridge, Governors Island and played outside. Tyler was starting to have more energy and the medication he was on was starting to work.

Since Tyler’s condition, called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, is a lifelong diagnosis though, we wanted to get a second opinion. We really wanted to make sure that we had run every test needed and that we were doing everything we could for him now and through puberty and adulthood. Russ and I flew with him to meet an amazing team of pediatric endocrinologists at Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia. It was a strange trip-sightseeing and showing Tyler the Liberty Bell and trying a Philly Cheese Steak but then knowing in a few hours you will be checking your son back into a hospital. It was worth the trip though. The doctors were wonderful and they answered our list of like 50 questions with thoroughness, patience and kindness. It felt good to finally feel like he was getting better and we had a roadmap of how to take care for him and his condition in the future.

May

Up to this point I haven’t mentioned our son Hunter, who had just turned five. Hunter between January and May was diagnosed with pneumonia four times. By May I told the doctor I wanted an explanation as to why Hunter kept getting pneumonia. “This is not normal!,” I said. After a pulmonologist ran tests on his lungs and said they were in surprisingly, “great shape, with outstanding lung capacity”, we were sent to an allergist. I watched the huge welts swell up on his back during the testing as we found out that Hunter is highly allergic to everything! He is highly allergic to every type of tree that grows in the south, every pet we have, every type of grass found in the yard and neighborhood, milk, eggs and more. Since he can’t be the boy in the bubble, the doctor made up a serum of everything he is allergic to and we started twice weekly injections to build up his immunities. Initially making a 5 year old submit to shots twice a week was a nightmare but now Hunter is a total trouper and very brave.

In May, Russ’s father Bert took a turn of the worse and Russ spent most of the month back and forth visiting him. It was gut wrenching for Russ and the family. His father was at home with Russ’s Mom, Pat, and hospice care. We would get a call from hospice saying his father would not make live more than two days. Russ would jump in the car and drive 7 hours praying to make it in time to say goodbye to his father. He would sit bedside as his father went in and out of a coma. At one point a hospice nurse woke him in the middle of the night at his parent’s home and said, “Your father is dying, you need to wake up if you want to see him one last time before he passes.” Russ ran into the room to hold his father’s hand as he slipped into a coma. Then a few hours later Bert woke up and asked for a milkshake! It was an emotional roller coaster.

Over Memorial Day weekend we brought the kids to see their grandfather. It was a weekend full of grace. Amazingly, Russ’s father was able to sit up and talk to the kids and visit with relatives and enjoy everyone’s company and love. He even had projects for the kids to do. He wanted the oldest grandchildren to map out all the places he had lived and traveled on a big board to be displayed at his funeral. It was truly a gift that he felt well enough for us all to visit. It was the last time I saw him and I am grateful that we all had that special time with him.

In all the sadness, sickness and stress we had some good news that Tyler’s thyroid levels were finally in the normal range. It was not a subtle or gradual change. It literally happened overnight. He went from one day falling asleep in the car and not wanting to play with friends because he didn’t have the energy to an overnight change. I woke up one morning and found him not in bed. He had gotten up early to do push- ups and sit-ups on the floor. He said, “You know Mom, I haven’t been swimming for months and I need to get in shape for the neighborhood swim season. Do you think I can still break records this summer?” It was amazing –we got our boy back! It took over three months but our old Tyler was back! He will have to take medication for the rest of his life and monitor his blood levels but he is going to be just fine.

June

In June Russ’s beloved father lost his valiant battle with cancer and passed away. In the end he died with the same integrity and grit he showed all his life. He was a wonderful role model for his children and grandchildren and we miss him terribly.

Sadly Russ got the news while I was out of town chaperoning a youth group conference in Virginia with Tyler. He had just gotten back from seeing his father. Russ hadn’t slept in days and after saying goodbye again and again thinking the end was that day, his mother finally sent Russ home. My mother was babysitting Drew and Hunter for the long weekend and so she mobilized the kids and met us in Virginia for the funeral proceedings. Poor Russ had to hear the news and drive seven hours alone with his grief.

The funeral was a beautiful tribute to a wonderful life. The boys put flowers on the altar, I sang, my Uncle played guitar and Russ read a seven page tribute he had written about his father. The best part is that is that he read it to his father before he died and they both cried and laughed about what Russ wrote. The funeral was the day after Father’s day and one day before Tyler’s 12th birthday. It was a very sad time.

July – recovery

In July we vacationed! We had been hit hard and needed some fun and distraction. We decided the kids had all been through so much that we would head to the place “Where Dreams Really Do Come True” –Disney World! We truly felt that we were blessed with the most awesome vacation ever. We did the parks for nine days straight and had unseasonably cool weather and short lines. How lucky!

At the end of the month we went to Wild Dunes with my family. It was a super fun beach week and the boys had a blast playing with their cousins and body surfing the waves. Just what the doctor ordered, some R&R.

I thought we were out of the woods with sickness and we almost were, except for me.

August

Over the beach trip I caught laryngitis from a bug my sister had. For days I could hardly speak. That probably would have healed fine except I made the mistake of singing through it in August. The first week of August I was supposed to teach all the music at my church Bible Camp for all the preschoolers. Even though I could barely speak I managed to sing for three hours a day. (By the way I loved working with these adorable children, it was a huge bright spot in my year!) I just didn’t think I would cause damage to my voice, but I did. My voice was already a bit strained from singing through so much emotion at Bert’s funeral and a Broadway Show tunes production I did with our church choir in July. (They asked me to perform “All That Jazz” from Chicago as a solo and several group numbers – sooooo fun!) Anyway after the last day of camp, I couldn’t speak for days. Week after week my voice did not improve. It hurt so much to talk that I would see people I knew at Target and not even want to say “Hello” because it hurt. I also could not sing a note, nothing would come out but air. I finally saw a specialist who said I had developed baby nodules on my vocal cords. I had to go to vocal therapy for months. In order to heal my vocal cords I had to not sing for months, not yell, not whisper, not raise my voice, not speak through emotion (because that strains the vocal cords), not speak on the phone over 15 minutes, etc. It was a difficult and emotional process. After everything we had been through now I was not supposed to speak!

September

I thought I would be so excited the kids were all in school for the first time ever but the truth was, I missed having one at home. I missed Hunter, now in Kindergarden. I thought I would jump out of bed so excited with what I could accomplish (between the hours of 8:30 and 2:00that is) but that’s not exactly how it went. I think I powered through the year on pure adrenaline, staying up some nights until 4 am reading thyroid books or parenting books to help my children cope. When they all went to school and didn’t need me for a few hours a day, I collapsed. I found myself sleeping for hours after getting them to school, crying a lot, eating a lot and not wanting to go out or talk to my friends because of my voice hurting. I think with each milestone your kids go through, so do you. I am still trying to redefine myself and my direction but in September, I needed to sleep. I finally snapped out of it and shook it off like a bad hat in October.

October - December – life as usual, or a new kind of usual

So I know that was some serious doom and gloom for a Christmas Letter. Let’s just say, I am Really looking forward to 2012! But here is where we are and what we found out living through that rough time.

Gratitude –

Quick! Knock on wood, are children are all healthy and happy now. Hunter is in Kindergarten doing so great. I love volunteering in his classroom. Hunter is crazy into sports and delighted his father this fall with his soccer skills – sometimes scoring 5 goals in a game. He is now totally into basketball and playing in the yard with his friends and big brothers. He is so cuddly, loving and sweet. I love this age. He writes me love notes all the time and winks at me. He has only had pneumonia once since last May. This April we will be done with the injections and hope the process worked!

Peace –

When you are faced with that many problems at one time, you really are forced to put things in perspective and try to breathe peace into your life. I used to get really worked up about the house (well, truth be told I still do a bit) but I am more at peace and try not to sweat the small stuff. Sometimes I look at all the mess from my three boys, the laundry, all of the overwhelming volumes of emails and paperwork that I have to keep up with to manage their lives and I get super stressed. Then I try to breathe and think, “this is not worth getting that worked up about”. Life and death, cancer and comas- that is what you get worked up about. Peace is a good thing, more important than a clean house.

Joy –

My son Drew reminds us of joy every day. He is so happy and more confident now. He swam last summer for our neighborhood league after his foot injury and made the regional all-stars team again. He loves playing flag football and is doing so great in 4th grade. He is in the gifted Math program and making it look really easy. He decided to go into Boy Scouts again this Fall and is really into it and having fun earning badges. We are really proud of him. He always makes us laugh with his wit and joyful outlook.

Hope –

We can hope for a very bright future for Tyler now after his health gave us such a scare. He is so resilient. He is now back swimming year round and playing on a Classic level traveling soccer team. He has energy to spare and even qualified for the Junior Olympics in the 50 backstroke and made the middle school swim team. He is totally in the middle school stage right now– obsessed with wearing the right thing and having a good hair day. These are nice things to worry about for him though rather than worrying he might go into a coma. He has come a long way.

Love –

Although someone might be gone from the earth, you never stop loving them. We miss Bert every day. I am really proud of Russ and the way he was so there for his father as he died. Sometimes we talk about it and we still can’t believe we lost his father. We still can’t talk about his Dad without starting to cry. We are so grateful for Bert’s life and the legacy of love and honor that he left for us and our children.

Faith –

I am not sure what I am going to do “when I grow up” yet but I have faith that I can do something great if I set myself to it. I know God has a special plan for me and I am trying to get on that path. In an effort to snap out of my September slump I started writing again, taking piano lessons and working. I am also a room Mom for two of my boys classrooms and enjoy volunteering in the classrooms. In December Russ’s company hired me to write a press release for them and I have been editing their website. It’s fun going into an office again. I have also decided to start selling a line of skin care that I think is amazing called Rodan and Fields. After this year, the fatigue and stress really started to show on my face and I figured I better step it up a notch. I am going to launch my business full force in January.

Believe in the Kindness of People -

This year we were so blown away by the kindness of our friends through such hard times. When we returned from Russ's father's funeral, we came home to find that our friends Nikki and Blake VandeGarde had planted new flowers in all our back planters and throughout the yard. It was the most beautiful gesture. When Drew fell, our friend Scott Basinger, who is a ankle and foot surgeon, told us to run over to his house so he could take a look at it. Later in October when a 50 pound metal base from a store manequin fell on my toes, and the pain was worse than childbirth, Scott reopened his office after hours to X-ray it for me. Our neighbors the Ferrandos watched our pets when we had to travel and never would accept payment. When I found a stray dog and then realized we couldn't keep it because it tormented our cats, my neighbors the Wekers adopted the dog so she would have a good home. These are just a few examples of the amazing gestures of kindness we have received from friends and family and are so grateful.

Be Merry –

If your kids are healthy this Christmas, love on them. If your parents or in-laws are still alive, love on them. If you have a job and a house and good health – Be Merry! You are blessed. May you and all your loved ones feel the joy and love of this holiday season. -

Russ, Robyn, Tyler, Drew and Hunter Fant

P.S. I am sorry I have been the world’s worst Facebook friend and correspondent this year. I really had a lot on my plate. I am resolving to enter the 21stcentury in 2012.

P.S.S. This year for some reason I got really into documentaries. If you haven’t seen Waiting for Superman or Food, Inc., you absolutely must. They are my favorite documentaries. Watch them with the kids – it’s life changing. The kids and I also listened to The Help on tape during car trips and they were really moved by it. The Help was by far my favorite book of the year.